Today… I am a man…

… because I’ve got my first kidney stone.

🙃

Today I learned that you can call Domino’s to place a delivery order, and if it’s under $50, you can pay COD, when it arrives.

I learned this b/c today a student called Domino’s, placed an order – in the name of another student – for $49.89 worth of pizza & garlic knots, and had it delivered to the school.

Admin wound up paying for the food, and shared it with staff.

philosopherking1887:

jedda-martele:

pidgevspigeon:

birdrhetorics:

my great-grandfather had to leave italy in the 20′s because he hit a fascist with a tuba, so if you think I am going to take this sitting down you are going to have to catch these hands and also this tuba

Fun story my Great Great Grandma left Germany in the 1920s because she had family in the US and could get citizenship pretty easily and once she was over in the US she then smuggled over 15 jewish families out by forging family documents so now my aunts are currently in the process of trying to tell the real ones from the fake ones because my great gran just died and there are legally over 100 surviving descendants but we know that math is a lil screwy.

Sometimes a family is you, your kids, your grandkids, your great grandkids, and the 15 Jewish families you helped smuggle out of Nazi Germany.

And your tuba

latveriansnailmail:

noirandchocolate:

omicheese:

lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks:

viharistenno:

aquitainequeen:

lancrewizzard:

captain-cargoshorts:

saxifraga-x-urbium:

boogerwookiesugarcookie:

scribefindegil:

dduane:

numberlover1729:

brawltogethernow:

letslipthehounds:

grifalinas:

sashathephoenix:

bailesu:

tanoraqui:

pimpmizziriam:

nudityandnerdery:

darkravn:

garrettauthor:

animate-mush:

uovoc:

katedrawscomics:

hypotheticalwoman:

roachpatrol:

zephyrantha:

aethersea:

nightfoot:

thesummoningdark:

rhys1812:

poorlydescribedpterrybooks:

amatalefay:

poorlydescribedpterrybooks:

tisorridalamor:

Describing Terry Pratchett’s books is difficult. Someone asked me what the book I was reading was about, and I had to tell them it was about banking and the gold standard, but like in a cool way with golems and action. 

 I don’t think they believed me.

welcome to the club

It is so, so difficult to explain to people that your favorite book is about transgender feminist dwarves, Nazi werewolves, and the mystery of a missing piece of really old ritual bread. And Opera saves the day.

yes, give us those sweet, sweet, terrible descriptions

A tortoise who’s really a god, finds an allegory for Jesus and they go on adventures in an ancient greece like place and then a desert 

The chief of police averts a rerun of an ancient war, partially despite and partially because of being possessed by a dying dwarf’s graffiti

It’s like Les Miserables but Javert is the good guy and also there’s time travel.  

Macbeth but it’s about the witches

Chapter one, the protagonist is hanged. Then he’s put in charge of the post office. Yes, in that order.

it’s like mulan if there were way more mulans in mulan and also pratchett is extra irritated that too many people missed the point of jingo

The bureaucrats of the universe get annoyed at the paperwork humanity causes so they decide to steal Christmas.  Replacement Christmas is done by Death and replacement Death is done by goth Mary Poppins, who is also in charge of the investigation.

these are all nice and accurate reasons to read discworld if you haven’t yet

Romeo and Juliet football AU but the other team is wizards

Hollywood????

An entire clan of tattooed, hairy, kleptomaniac, alcoholic Scotsmen decide a little girl is their new best friend whether she wants to be or not and she rescues her absolutely worthless brother by discovering the power of selfishness.

@cosmictwobyfour

Someone is dying, journalism is being invented, and part of Pulp Fiction is going on in the background.

The universes burocrats want to measure everything so they pay a man to imprison time so everything will stop and they can measure things in peace. Goth mary Poppins saves the day, the fifth horseman of the apocalypse is the best Milkman in the world, and chocolate saves the day. Also someone was born twice.

Classic dynastic machinations are happening in fantasy China, to be completely overturned by a gang of elderly barbarian heroes and the world’s worst wizard and best sprinter

Death incarnate battles a shopping cart for the fate of the world.  

@grifalinas

Phantom of the Opera au, except there’s witches, a cookbook that is thinly-veiled pornography, and Christine is played by a fledgeling witch with multiple personalities who can’t stop being sensible long enough to enjoy herself

Hidden heir to the throne decides an cynical, alcoholic cop is the best role model in the world.

Atlantis provides an excuse for a xenophobia-inspired war between Britain and the Middle East but it’s fine because the armies are arrested for conspiracy to cause public nuisance.

the jfk assassination is parodied in the above.

Rain is brought to australia by a lousy wizzard who runs from dropbears, steals a sheep, and invents vegamite

(sigh)(smile) All of the above.

You can defeat Vampire Fascism with the powers of violence, your debilitating anxiety disorder, and a nice cup of tea

the pied piper is a racket being run by some talking mice and a cat but they accidentally invent socialism. then of course there are also the rat horrors

there’s a camel

a wizard who knows only one spell is menaced by some luggage. there’s a tourist.

And while the aforementioned terrible wizard is having an awful time in Fantasy Australia, his colleagues try to find him and accidentally invent sex and the platypus along the way.

Have you ever wondered about the poor people whose sole role in the narrative is to rush into the room when summoned and be slaughtered by the hero? THIS is their story. Also, it’s a million to one chance that they hit the voonerables.

Fairy Godmothers fight fairytale endings with the power of Logic. There is also a very sexy cat.

Fantasy Hollywood is secretly an Eldritch Horror

someone contracted a hit on santa

A talking skeleton gets fired, becomes depressed, and gets a new lease on life by learning to farm and then slaying his replacement.

Meanwhile, wizards and undead rights activists fight a sentient mall.

The inheritor of a dying wizard’s masculine magic is in fact a girl, thanks for not asking first. The world’s greatest witch can’t teach her feminine-aligned witchcraft so they caravan to the big city to demand that the old boys of the wizarding school grant her an education. Ants build a pyramid out of sugar cubes.

Also, AND I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH, there’s a river so slow and polluted that the author has dunked on it forty different ways in forty different books.

blatterpussbunnyfromhell:

goawfma:

i feel like we don’t talk about things like this enough

Moroccan architecture (specifically, amazigh from Chefchaouen)

Post-colonial Algerian architecture (Algiers and Constantine):

Mozabite architecture (from Ghardaia, Algeria):

cipheramnesia:

dr-archeville:

“People are losing the spirit of the Ideas of March. It’s not about just stabbing. It’s about coming together to stab in groups.”

For covid safety purposes, we have to go running in and stab him one at a time, separated by six feet distance. Please also remember to mask up.

dr-archeville:

Yesterday, in 7th grade math class, I hear a CLACK CLACK CLACKing sound coming from the kids. I assume it’s one of them furiously mashing their keyboard while playing some computer game instead of doing their class work.

I walk over, and see I am partially correct.

They were playing a game.

A board game.

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Which they’d brought from home and set up on their desk.

bebs-art-gallery:

Cats Stealing Food in Paintings

Still Life with Cat (1705) by Desportes, It’s no use crying over spilt milk (1880) by Frank Paton, Still Life of the Remnants of a Meal with a Lunging Cat (18th Century) by Alexandre-François Desportes, Fish Still Life with Two Cats (1781) by Martin Ferdinand Quadal, Still Life with a Cat and a Mackerel on a Table Top (18th Century) by Giovanni Rivalta, The Collared Thief (1860) by William James Webbe, Cat Stealing a String of Sausages (17th Century) by Abraham van Beyeren, Still Life with a Cat (1760) by Sebastiano Lazzari, Kitchen Still Life with Fish and Cat (ca. 1650) by Sebastian Stoskopff, An Oyster Supper (1882) by Horatio Henry Couldery, Still Life with an Ebony Chest (17th Century) by Frans Snyders, Still Life with a Cat (1724) by Alexandre-Francois Desportes, A Cat Attacking Dead Game (18th Century) by Alexandre-François Desportes, Still Life of Fresh-Water Fish with a Cat (1656) by Pieter Claesz, Still Life with Fruits and Ham with a Cat and a Parrot (18th Century) by Alexandre-Francois Desportes, A Cat Holding a Fish in Its Mouth (18th Century) by Sebastiano Lazzari, Still Life with a Cat and a Hare (18th Century) by Desportes, Still Life with Cat and Rayfish (1728) by Jean-Siméon Chardin, A Cat with Dead Game (1711) by Alexandre-Francois Desportes, Still Life with Cat and Fish (1728) by Jean Baptiste Siméon Chardin

Via James Lucas on X/Twitter